What scares Indian women?
I am a 30 years old unmarried indian woman. My parents want me to get married to a decent guy & are ok with me meeting guys to understand each other better.
There was this guy who we saw on a popular matrimonial site & sent interest. I had provided my parent's mobile number as i might not be able to always pick up calls during office hours. Anyway, this guy called my parents & took my no.
Somedays later, he called me. He talked about meeting at his home. I requested that we could first meet at a cafe or restaurant on saturday for dinner first. But he insisted that after a stressful work week, he just wants have some romantic & passionate moments with me & not serious intellectual talks. When i probed furthur, he confessed that he is interested in getting intimate with me (someone he barely knows!)
He said he will never force me to do anything without my consent. But i doubt if he would stop if i dont feel comfortable about something after he got into the flow of things.
Also, he made it plain we may have several meetings (read : develop physical relation). But we can take a final decision only after 5-6 months. Even though both of us may enjoy ourselves, he made it clear that its not necessary that we have to take things forward & marry.
Though he sounded sincere, i somehow felt i shouldn't go forward. I havent replied back to him & blocked him.
As an indian woman, i am afraid of:
Him blackmailing me after clicking intimate pictures or videos with or without my knowledge.
Getting ditched if i get pregnant
Using me as a medium to satisfy himself & leaving me if he gets bored or gets a better catch.
Being raped or harassed if i agree initially but later dont want to take it further.
Jedidiah Benhur Margoschis Wisely, former English Instructor
Something worse than rapes. Something worse than groping. Something worse than slut-shaming.
Listen to the voice of the contemporary Indian woman.
Ever since we were born, we have been watched. Since our first cry, the first step we took, we have been watched, sharply so. We were told that we would be watched all our way.
The eyes that watched us had grown many folds as we reached puberty, for all the right reasons. We were watched, more intensely so.
Those eyes accompanied us to schools to nudge us when our breasts showed out.
Oh yeah, we used our notebooks to shield our breasts from men, boys, fathers, uncles and yes brothers and yeah- teachers! Those eyes pleaded with us to do so.
We were told that we were hated by other women if we had bigger breasts and more curvy body. The eyes warned us to be circumspect with other women.
译文来源：三泰虎 http://www.santaihu.com/48471.html 译者：Joyceliu
While in office, when we worked on our computers, we were warned to have an eye on the degrees of driftage our breasts had. "Don’t bend down too much". "Watch out for your shawl” Yes, those eyes warned us of everything.
The eyes said they cared.
Those eyes feasted on our frontal and rear exquisiteness; they ascertained our conduct based on the symmetry of our butt and breasts.
Yes, they cared for us.
My oh my! The eyes were connoisseurs- they told me if I wore the right brassiere for the right clothe, if I had chosen the right color, if I had worn the right shorts under my skirts. They were so spot-on.
They cared for us.
These eyes crucified our soul and excruciated our mind when a figment of my inner - wear showed out a bit- yes, there was no relaxation in this regard because the eyes cared for us.
The eyes taught us the difference between “chic” and “voluptuous.”
The eyes were good teachers.
We were under the scope of these eyes-in the washroom and bedroom. The eyes never blinked. They were watchful. Yes, watchful eyes.
Pranav Jamadagni, Programmer analyst at Cognizant (2017-present)
A few days back, I visited my best friend, Dipali’s house. Dipali got married a couple of years ago. She works for the IT industry and is a hard working woman. When we met, the conversation kind of went like this.
me: “So Dipali, how’s work going on at your company?”
her: “Yeah, it’s really great! Work is lil bit extra now a days. But I think it’s been paying off.”
me:?“You got a good hike?”
*her face brightens up a bit. Eyes glittering like diamonds*
her:?“No. But I recently got an onsite opportunity at UK for 3 months.”
me: “Hey, that’s a great news! So when are you leaving?”
*her face faded again. Eyes from diamond to a gloomy shade.*
her:?“Actually, I’ve decided not to go!”
her:?“Actually Ramesh (Dipali’s husband) cannot live without me and I cannot live there alone, my in laws won’t accept that.”
me:?“Oh! But have you at least considered asking them or your husband about it?”
her:?“No, because I already know, if I ask, the conversation won’t be a pleasant one and will end with me deciding to reject the offer anyway.”
me:?“But, don’t you want to go there? I mean, such opportunities are rare. And it’s just a matter of months.”
her:?“Of course I would like to go there. But I’m married now. I can’t let my family be without me.”
me: “But I remember Ramesh ji was in France last year for 6 months right? So it appears that he can live 6 months without you.”
her:?“Yeah! But then again, he’s a male part of the family. He can afford that.”
*me sitting there with ‘now what to say’ face *
her: “Hey, you don’t worry about that. Lets just forget about that. What would you like to have with tea?”
I realized that?consequences of?choosing career over family?is what scares Indian women a lot.
Dree Mehta, lives in India
As an Indian woman it scares me that there are so many wrong ideas and notions surrounding Indian society and Indian men that float around in the world outside.
One of my Indian female friends was giving a job interview for a job in Tokyo and this accomplished and smart girl aced the technical round but was stumped by a single statement in the HR round.
“We’ve heard and seen that Indian women are forced to marry young and their husbands and families make them quit their jobs. We’ve had this experience previously and don’t want the same to happen.”
This. This not only scares me but also infuriates me as a young Indian woman.
The fact that everybody is ready to judge us on our circumstances without even knowing the reality scares me.
Indian women have come a long way, and that’s not only because of their resilient nature but also because of the strong and upright Indian men in our society who are doing their best to falsify these claims about patriarchy.
Indian men are good, Indian women are good and the fact is that most human beings are also inherently good. Judging Indian women or me based on some experiences is awful and no person should be subject to this kind of treatment.
It scares me as an Indian woman to think that the image of Indian society and Indian men to the outside world has been tarnished and we as women are victimised beyond belief by others only because of their wrong notions surrounding men.
So to all the people out there, who think Indian men or society scares us Indian women…
It is your false judgement about them that does.
Nalira Rumaizan, worked at EY (2014-2017)
Not a very long time ago, I used to travel by public transport. I took two buses to office each day.
Even during college/school I took buses. In a way it was nice and comfortable. They're highly economical, I paid around ?20 - ?30 to cover 16 km.
Having said all the upsides of it, there's no denying that it has its own set of downsides as well. They are not always frequent, they can be ruthlessly congested or they can also carry some uncivilised mannerless men. Some. Few. Not all of them.
What do these people do?
在大学/学校期间我也乘坐公共汽车。挺舒服的。他们很实惠，16公里仅需20 - 30卢比。
1.Stare at women so much that she feels uncomfortable
2.Touch her arms when she's trying to hold on to the iron handles for support
3.Fall on her whether or not the buses brake
4.Touch her where they shouldn't
Has it happened to me? Yes. Sadly, a few times I've been a victim of these despicable acts of sheer sexual hunger.
So, what is it that I'm afraid of? Travelling by buses? Nope, not in the least.
I'm afraid of slapping such people. I'm afraid of yelling at such people. I'm afraid of handing such people over to the police. I'm afraid of standing up for myself. I either politely ask them to stop what they're doing or I get down and take another bus.
Why? The thought that he may seek revenge scares me. If I hurt his pride, he may kill me. He may go to any extreme. Acid attack? Rape? Who knows? Am I imagining things? No. I've come across such news. And often. This is the reality in India.
It's a very humble request to all the girls out there, do not injure the pride of your assaulter. Your safety has to be your major concern
Samujjal Das, Proud Indian
Her son goes to take tuition to his friend’s home. Since it is just a few kilometers away, he goes by his cycle. It gets over at 10PM and he gets back to his home by 10:30PM. But today he has not returned yet. It’s 11:30 now. She has already called him up on his number, several times, but his number is switched off. She calls his friend’s mom. His friend’s mom tells that he has left their home at 10:10PM. This scares an?Indian mother.
Her husband is coming back home late for the last few days. She has never asked him the reason. She knows that her husband is in a top position in a famous MNC, so it’s natural for him to get involved in client meetings. Also, he has never shown any sign of suspicion. He kisses her forehead, every time he comes home late. But today, after coming home, when her husband goes to take a shower, and leaves his phone on the table, she sees his phone vibrating and a name “Ajay” shows up on the screen She decides to take the call and tell “Ajay” to call after few minutes. But, she hears a female voice from the other side. This scares an?Indian wife.
She comes home from school. She notices her skirt has become wet and red. She, being a 12 year old girl thinks that something is wrong with her body. She has never encountered this before. Her parents are not at home. She straight away goes to her bedroom and closes the door. She cannot figure out what’s wrong. This scares an?Indian teenage daughter.
She is 30, unmarried. She is working as a teacher in a primary school. Her parents had started looking for a match for her from the time she had passed out from her college. But she has been rejected by everyone who had come to see her. Reason? She has a strange mark on her forehead, which is “destroying” her appearance. She cries after every rejection. She thinks if ever someone will marry her. This scares an?Indian adult daughter.
Her marriage talks are going on. The groom's family has liked her. Her parents seem happy about the fact that their little girl will get married. Today they have come to her home to finalise the talks. But right now, she is worried. Why? Because the groom's mother has just told her father “We want something more from you”. This scares an?Indian?potential bride.
Her husband has died 10 years back. Her son is married for the past 4 years. Her daughter-in-law doesn’t like her. She always finds some petty issue to argue with her. Her son takes his wife’s side, and sometimes he too doesn’t spare his mother. One day, she accidentally overhears a conversation between his son and her wife, and certain words like “old-age home”, come to her ears. This scares an?old Indian mother.
I am a women who has stayed in almost all states of India right from my childhood.
I would like to share?few instances?that have shaped me during my formative years .
During my Schooling years-
Place : New Delhi
I was molested in a children's park at the age of 5 .
So,I got scared of all grown men and till date don’t trust anybody at all.
Place : A place known for its famous college in Tamil nadu
Just to give you a background ,Kids in primary classes would leave the school earlier than those in Secondary classes
and that's why they had an extra thirty minutes to spend outside the school premises waiting so that they could be picked up by the bus once the entire school was closed.
So,During this half an hour of time ,We were scared to death when some senior class boys would just stare at you and pass comments .(Note :As a 7-8 yr old not all the girls have the tendency to pick up a fight with boys of senior classes)
This incident made me believe that all boys are the same and there is no sense of respect for any women in them.
Place : A well know place in UP
After leaving the school in Tamilnadu ,I thought that I would be in a better place where we as girls could step out freely ,Only to be disappointed even more.
I was in my early teens and now the sense of right and wrong was stronger .
There were two lanes that would lead to the main road towards my school.
One had a sweets shop and a mini-market sort of area but was a shorter route.
The other was a quiet lane but a longer route to the main road .
We had the option to take the first lane ,but we did not take it .Why ?
Because ,That was always filled with rickshaw walas and all the people who had no work to do in the world roaming around and commenting on every passer -by.
Place : A city know for its culture in Maharashtra
I used to travel to the other end of the city in a decent college but location wise -It was as scary as hell.
We had to run for our life as soon as my 5.30 pm classes would get over because there were more boys/even grown up men staring at girls near the exit gate .
In a otherwise modern city ,I had not seen such level of terror in girls even when I used to travel
covered from top to toe.
So, the thing that?SCARES ME?is the thought that girls in today's generations will also have the same feeling towards men in general .